How To Cope With Jealousy

Welcome reader,

You've come to yet another hub in a series of hub writings about Character Education and today the topic is "Jealousy in Relationships", and how it can be such a destructive trait. The destructive nature is hard to miss. The hub is only to increase awareness of the dangers Jealousy in Relationships can cause and I'm pretty sure, that if you're a person who has ever been in a relationship, then some sort of jealousy has caused you problems. I have seen first hand what jealousy does to relationships and no it was not from myself being jealous.

It stems from jealous girlfriends and watching jealous boyfriends. I've also seen my share of jealous husbands and a jealous wife. Some people do not get jealous and many people do or feel jealousy, while they are in a relationship with another. The main questions are what causes jealousy insecurity and how can someone learn habits, so coping with jealousy can be addressed.

To be completely honest, "How to cope with jealousy?" has to be seen from two different perspectives - (a) you being jealous and (b) your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife being jealous within your relationship, before you can address the problem itself.

If you get jealous about your boyfriend, girlfriend or husband, or wife, then you need to seriously consider two thing (a) what is the reason for the jealousy happening and (b) is it really justified. The biggest problem with jealousy is that it has a direct emotional connection and leads people to make irrational actions, from emotionally based thoughts. Emotional decisions are never rationally reason based.

How to cope? If it is you who are feeling jealous, then I would suggest you use "The Ten Minute Rule", so you can prevent an irrational action from happening. Be aware that it is jealousy taking hold of you. Yes, be consciously aware when it occurs. If not, you'll not be able to do anything about the jealousy and you'll come out of "character", and most likely do something you will regret later on. And to be brutally honest- jealousy lacks any sort of integrity and also shows you lack Character Education.

How to cope with a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend? Well, first off, before you can cope with a jealous boyfriend or a jealous girlfriend, make sure you do not display the same jealousy streak, because if you do, then you have no right to complain about them.

However, the best way to cope with a jealous boyfriend or a jealous girlfriend, is to point out that they are showing their jealousy, when it happens. Make them consciously aware that they are about to display it for everyone else around them to see. It would also help to know whether or not, they have proper character education as well and understand the true meaning of integrity.

Jealousy is really a private matter and should never be displayed in front of other people. It should not be something that other people to see. Therefore, if in public, use "The Ten Minute Rule", leave the area, blow off your steam where you cannot be seen and consciously make yourself aware of how silly you look? Yes, jealousy makes people look extremely silly, because it shows how you cannot control yourself or your emotions. It also shows a huge character flaw, albeit, either yourself or your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Again, I am going to be brutally honest- you lacking Character Education is detrimental to (a) your life, (b) your emotional state of mind, (c) your physical state of being(simply because if you're not consciously aware of your actions then someone is going to get hurt) and (d) your entire mental make up.

The fact that you lack proper Character Education will display whatever you do, as far as actions, for everyone who can look upon you. They will judge you based on what you do, how you act and form an impression of who you are.

This will work against you and possibly from unknown and unforeseen aspects, for which, you cannot see from an emotional angry place. You cannot know the consequences, if you are acting irrational and unreasoned. Acting instinctively with regards to the effects of jealousy will ruin your relationship and ultimately destroy the foundation of your relationship. This includes normal friendship type relationships as well.

Again, this would be similar to that of "how to cope with jealous boyfriend/girlfriend", but would be a little different. The rules for a boyfriend/girlfriend or boyfriend/boyfriend or girlfriend/girlfriend relationship, is slightly different when the vows are exchanged in a marriage.

The only reason I am saying that they are slightly "different", is because the intensity of the relationship is much more than that of just being in a relationship without vows. There is a different level of respect and self-respect to be carried forth in the marriage. Everything is more important and much more difficult, should something go wrong. The effects have a much larger aspect that warrants more conscious awareness.

Basic boyfriend/girlfriend or any other relationship, is all about feeling out the likes and dislikes of one another. When you have entered into a marriage, you are supposedly come to terms with the dislikes and likes, to the point of acceptance. Jealousy is always looked upon as a dislike, yet at times jealousy can be a good thing, but only when it's tempered and controlled.

It can turn on a boyfriend or girlfriend, or husband or even a wife, if used properly and timed correctly, but not overdone.

The true foundation for a relationship is about understand some key elements- (a) Trust, (b) Communication and (c) Honesty. Should your relationship be lacking in any of these areas, then your relationship will suffer, self-destruct and become meaningless.

Love blossoms from the combination of the above key elements. It flows continuously and without interruption, because each of the above key elements are a constant and consistent part of the relationship. Jealousy is a sign of mistrust, which means one of the key elements is weakened.

Proper Character Education allows one to notice/recognize jealousy for what it is- an emotional reaction that which is baseless. Jealousy insecurity will damage any civil interaction, albeit, friends or lovers or whatever else. It can even harm you at work, if you are not careful. Be aware of the dangers, see jealousy as it happens and use your will power to prevent it from destroying your happiness.

Thank you for your time.
Raymond Choiniere II - Cagsil Services Founder